So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
