I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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