k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i've created a new STD.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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