she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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