i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize