Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
