He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
