Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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