the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
