half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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