We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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