(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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