Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
