I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
