I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
