It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
