The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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