i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
