he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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