Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
