my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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