They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
