Swine flu. Run for my life!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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