East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
