I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
