Me too!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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