does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
