I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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