There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
