Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
