you traded sex for a burrito?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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