how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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