We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
