happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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