god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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