Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
