You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
