My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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