I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
