he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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