cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
