Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
