My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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