walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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