Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
