Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize