Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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