Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
