I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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