I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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