im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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