There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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