hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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