I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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