I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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