its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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