Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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