yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
