As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you had me at cake vodka
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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