check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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