I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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