Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
