i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
