R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
