In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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