Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
