the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
