imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I pour the whiskey from now on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
