We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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